A Pee… Err… Free State : Bharat ek Peshab Pradhan Desh

Swamutra se Gomutra tak

Indians are masters at jugaad and blaming Pakistan, but they also make sure that the public adores every unsuspecting wall, corner, and alley. Welome to the most peshab nation on Earth, where going to the toilet is more than just a biological necessity; it’s a metaphor for total freedom of expression.

 The Business Class Piddler: A Class Act

One unlucky Air India passenger learnt the hard way that flying business class isn’t always a picnic in the sky. Another “elite” traveler mistaken her seatmate for a urinal and surprised her with an unexpected shower—all part of the ticket price. At 30,000 feet, he was merely asserting his right to irrigate, as a true Swadeshi would. The brigade praising gomutra would have praised his “sustainability efforts” if only Air India had brought cows on board.

 A Noble Fight: Caste-Based Piddling

Then there’s the virtuous upper-class samaj, who are elevating the concept of “trickle-down economics” to an unprecedented degree. An aristocrat in Madhya Pradesh saw the back of a Dalit worker and thought it would make an ideal surface for his supremacist artwork. The irony is that millilitres have replaced centuries of prejudice. Who knows? Maybe this is the idea behind “fluid caste boundaries.”

The Gospel of Gomutra

Gomutra has become a sacred substance when discussing divine fluids. There are health nuts who drink cow pee like kombucha and swear it can drive out demons and diabetes. Gomutra cola was also brought to the world by ancient India, so you might want to reevaluate your assumptions. A few puffs and bam! Clarity! When one’s faith is as solid as one’s bladder, why bother with science?

 Extremely Hilarious

Proceed to Maharashtra, where a prominent citizen conceived of a ground breaking irrigation scheme. “Should I urinate in them?” he joked when asked about dry dams. How prescient! When our politicians can pour their bladders out one after the other, there’s no need for costly dam constructions or disputes over the Narmada River. Have a conversation about solutions that come from the ground up.

 Notable People Adding Their Stream to the Mix

In a nod to the rumoured swamutra-drinking former prime minister Morarji Desai, Bollywood icon Paresh Rawal has also confessed to drinking his own urine. A new level of “method acting” has been achieved. A group of Rawal devotees may be debating whether to forego Starbucks in favour of their own homebrew.

Peshab pradhan, Pragati Marg Bharat

As a result of Indians’ civic sensibilities—or lack thereof—urinating in public has become a popular pastime. It’s a statement of independence, more than just a choice. Has to leave? Stop worrying about where to pee; that tree, wall or tyre is beckoning you. It is art, not vandalism. Even though love is symbolised by the Taj Mahal, what about the streets of India? They represent the alleviation of bladder pain.

 Autumn Stream with Dark Reflections

Sincerity demands that we address the underlying cultural indifference that allows for public urination and the glorification of bodily fluids. We have perfected the art of apathy in many ways, from ignoring fundamental public infrastructure to normalising conduct that ought to be humiliating. Like dry dams in Maharashtra, civic sense appears to have vanished.

We need a paradigm shift as a society, where people finally realise that walls aren’t latrines, that caste isn’t real, and that maybe, just maybe, cow pee isn’t sacred. Bharat ek Peshab Pradhan Desh is your temporary home until then, where you can find a toilet around every corner and a miraculous cure in every bottle.

India, let us strive for greater heights. Including our skies, walls, and streets. For the sake of personal cleanliness, if not pride. On the other hand, “It’s time to clean up the mess, one holy drop at a time.” is what the gomutra faithful might say.

© Dr. Pratik P. SURANA (Ph.D.)

Quantum Group.

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