The F-Word That Scares Everyone at Work

(Why the most important talk at work is also the one people try to avoid the most)

Scene 1: Meeting Room 3B on a Monday morning

Manager: “We need to talk about feedback.”
Team Member: [Heart rate goes up three times] “Uh-oh.” “Am I getting fired?”
Manager: “No, I’m just giving you some advice to help you grow.”
“Oh,” said the team member. “Should I cry first or take notes?”

Welcome to the great irony of working for a company:
Feedback is the one thing that promotes trust, clarity, and performance, but it’s also the one thing that everyone avoids like a surprise assessment meeting on a Friday night.

In my book “Culture Drives Strategy,” I said, “Culture isn’t made in boardrooms.” People talk about it.
And real, honest, two-way feedback is what keeps that culture alive.

Scene 2: The Corporate Feedback Theatre

Let’s be real. In most companies, feedback isn’t a conversation; it’s a performance.

Boss: “You’re doing a great job, but…”
Employee: “Oh, the corporate ‘but.’ Pain is coming.
Boss: “No, no, it’s just criticism that helps.”
Employee: “Why does it feel like I’m tearing things down?”

At some point, feedback lost its meaning and became either

A checklist during evaluations,

A subtle confrontation that looks like coaching, or

A monologue that no one listens to.

We have mixed up managing performance with improving performance.
What happened?
Fear instead of growth.
No talking, just silence.
Instead of working together, compliance.

The Generational Twist

There are more people of different ages working together than ever before. Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z all work under the same florescent roof, attempting to figure out each other’s emails, slang, and emojis.

And when input goes from one generation to the next, things get… interesting.

Scene 3: The Feedback Loop Across Generations

Gen X Manager: “You need to take more initiative.”
Gen Z Worker: “What does proactive mean?”
“Don’t wait for instructions,” said the Gen X manager.
Gen Z Worker: “But you said you like to be on the same page before you do anything.”
Gen X Manager: “That’s right.” Be proactive, yet stay on the same page.
Gen Z Employee: “Understood.” I don’t know what that implies, but I received it.

Feedback is understood in different ways by different generations.
For some people, feedback is like coaching. It feels like criticism to some people.
Older workers frequently value being honest in person. Younger people like context and empathy better.

I said in Culture Drives Strategy that “an open culture is not one where everyone talks; it’s one where everyone feels safe to be heard.”
When feedback is based on respect, curiosity, and psychological safety instead of authority, it connects people of all ages.

Scene 4: Why we don’t want feedback (and how it hurts us)

People will tell you that feedback conversations are awkward if you ask them.

“People get defensive.”
“It’s weird.”
“They take it as a personal attack.”
“My boss doesn’t listen anyway.”

And that’s exactly what the problem is.
We see feedback as a fight instead than a chance to engage.

But the truth is that businesses that don’t want input don’t avoid problems. They just put things off till it gets bad.

A culture that doesn’t allow for open feedback doesn’t stay neutral; it gets worse.
While smiling pleasantly in town halls about “transparency,” it causes passive-aggressive behaviour, misalignment, and mediocrity.

Scene 5: What Good Feedback Sounds Like

Now picture a job where feedback sounds like this:

Manager: “I saw that you had trouble meeting deadlines last week.” What got in the way?
Employee: “To be honest, I was trying to make it perfect.”
Manager: “Thanks for that.” Next time, let’s focus on progress instead of perfection. I can help you set priorities.
Worker: “Thanks.” That seems fair.

That’s not a fight. That’s working together.
Culture Drives Strategy calls that “a feedback culture of respect,” where the goal is growth, not control.

Creating a Culture of Open Feedback

So, how can we go from uncomfortable feedback sessions to real conversations?

Here are five rules that leaders and teams can start to follow:

Start with purpose, not judgement. Feedback is not for judging, it’s for making things better.

Make it a two-way street. Ask for feedback as much as you offer it. It helps people trust you.

Be clear. “Good job” is good, but “Your clarity in the client meeting made a difference” is better.

Take your ego out of your insight. Both the giver and the receiver need to understand that feedback is about growth, not identity.

Make it normal. Feedback shouldn’t be an event; it should be a way of talking.

People stop being afraid of feedback when it becomes a normal part of conversation.
They begin to look for it.

Last Thought

Feedback is more than simply a business tool; it’s what makes culture work.
It’s how companies change, how individuals grow, and how trust is formed between generations.

When leaders listen with empathy and people are open to what they say, the workplace ceases becoming a battleground and becomes a place to learn.

As I said in Culture Drives Strategy:

“You can’t make plans when you’re quiet.” When feedback moves faster than fear, cultures do well.

So the next time someone asks, “Can I give you some feedback?”
Don’t move.
Say, “Please do,” and smile. That’s how we grow.